“This is called ‘the bridge crystal’. I am told that this connects the heaven and the earth.”
He showed me that crystal. It had a fat, almost transparent body with a few white inclusions inside. It grows upwards to the right, but it also had a solid crystal on the bottom which held the top crystal at 90 degree, like a cross.
He held the crystal with his hands, as if it was the rarest treasure of the world. And he looked into the crystal with his soft, loving gaze.
“Could I hold the crystal, too?”
When I asked him softly, he realised that he completely forgot about my presence and looked very embarrassed. He, however, quickly pulled himself together and handed the crystal to me with extremely careful manner.
“Of course you can. Here you go…”
I felt its weight both with my hands and my heart. It was amusing to see the crystal emitting rainbow coloured refection from the lights. He then suddenly turned off the lights. Turning back with mild surprise, I saw him grinning like a boy with a cunning plan.
“Bring the crystal to the window, then let it bath in the moonlight.”
He whispered with his soft, deep voice.
Pale blue moonlight, which could possibly cleanse the deepest parts of my eyes, shone on the corner of the room through the window. I held the crystal with my hands up to my chest, as if I was offering the crystal to the moon. The crystal was now bathing in the continuous flows of moonlight, which made the crystal look even shinier. At the same time, I was filled with the mysterious feeling – as if I was listening to the quiet, yet magnificent music from the universe.
“Would you like to put the crystal here now?”
He then took the crystal from me then put it on the table under the window.
“Have you been listening to the music, haven’t you?”
He asked. I nodded.
mumbling, he kissed me on my lips very lightly, like a feather. We became at one with each other on that night, the first time, after two years of chatting at the coffee shop.
It was six months now, since he left this world and me.
He took his own life on following week of that night, when he took me to his flat and showed me that bridge crystal. There were no notes for anyone – family nor friends, except for me. “To xxx”, the memo said and it was folded in half and placed under the bridge crystal. That was all.
We, he and I, didn’t know each other’s phone number. We were, however, in a kind of relationship which we met at the coffee shop at the front of the subway station every Thursday evening. We had talked 3-4 hours then. How it started was a legend. Two years ago, my then boyfriend from the work, stunned me by announcing his engagement with his senior’s daughter in the same company. With shock, I was sitting like a frozen penguin in the corner of the coffee shop alone at least 2 or 3 hours, apparently. Then he (not the one who ditched me on that day) found me. He started to worry about me for some reason and decided to sit the next corner from me and kept eyes on me. After 3 hours, however, his patience run out, quite expectedly. Then he spoke to me.
“You know, if you freeze like you have been in the last 2 – 3 hours, you will truly become frozen!”
His voice was deep and kind. His look was very friendly and sincere. My heart, which was almost frozen, was warmed gently by them. Tears started to flow from my eyes like spring rain. Surprised, he then quickly ordered another cup of coffee for me and himself, with a strawberry short cake. This made me cry even more. Putting myself on the table, I had been whaling another 30 minutes or so, with him, even more worried.
This was how we became in a kind relationship we had after that. Every Thursday evening at 6:30, we had met at the coffee shop at the front of the subway station. We talked a lot. Now that I think about it, it was mostly me talking about how unfortunate I was and how broken my heart was, however.
He had been a good listener and occasionally gave me some comments without much judgement. Did we started to, then, having a feeling towards each other, thinking, perhaps this was love?
When I first found out that he took his own life, it was anger and resentment that appeared in my heart deep inside. Why, after that two years of only talking, did he have to take his own life just after the night when we finally become intimate? Why did he leave me after that? Why didn’t he talked me about things that gave him hard time or worried him so badly, if he needed to kill himself because of that? The more resentment towards him and what he did to me, however, the more I wanted to blame myself.
How could he talk to me about his problems, when I was already making myself a drama queen with my problems to him. He needed to stick to the role of someone who was extremely kind to me, didn’t he? And, wouldn’t he become less interested in revealing his dark secrets to me, as I looked so incapable of taking anything other than myself and my drama? I had been such an idiot, someone who took all the blood from him like a vampire. He offered his kindness to me all the time, of which he never got back in return from me. It was impossible for me to imagine, that he also had his own thoughts, that which made him suffer. It was clear that I had been such an ignorant and uncaring ‘friend’ to him but he never expected anything from me.
In this full moon night, the moonlight felt increasingly pure and cleansing. I felt that all my negative emotions, such as regrets, anger and resentment, were as if purified and cleansed by the moonlight. I held this memento tightly at the front of my chest, feeling its weight and the coldness. The bridge crystal started to reflect its rainbow light, same light as he showed me the first time at his flat. Was that a same full moon night? Sure, it was…
Then, the bridge crystal started to vibrate faintly, as if recharging its energy from the moonlight. Receiving its vibration with my both hands, I too started to felt something was overflowing from the deepest place of my heart.
What is this?
Then big drops of tears started to pour down from my eyes. The tears dropped on the bridge crystal, it also left my hands cold. I felt that the coldness of the body of the bridge crystal pierced into my hands. I no longer felt anger nor resentment. I had been sitting there alone, crying for a long time, with my hands were taken by my tears and the coldness of the crystal. The moonlight looked that it increased the purifying and cleansing power as the night went on. The moonlight wrapped around me, and I felt that I had become connected with the bridge crystal which started to look even shiner. Then I felt, and become quite sure that he came back to me. He was with me, right now, bathing the moonlight with me in this space.
By Eurus Piper